Spring Don'ts

There is a torrential storm happening in Vancouver this weekend. Power is out, West Van Princesses are stranded due to a bridge closure, and it hailed yesterday. Nevertheless spring is on its way, it just seems that its flight has been delayed. In the collective bad mannered jaw-drop heard around spring climates, most men are just happy to see bare legs and skirts again, but it gets a little bit more complicated than that. Before you go rushing out in your open-toed shoes and short-sleeved plaid shirts, keep in mind these SPRING DON'TS.


1) First Sunny Day Sunburn

This usually happens around April 20th. It's the first hot day of the year and everyone wants to get out in the sunshine. In 9th grade we skipped Social Studies and biked to the beach, in University we drank Canadians (ew) on the front lawn of a fraternity house (double ew), and now that we're adults we are probably having a 2.5 hour lunch on a patio emailing our bosses that the dentist is running late. The combination of your sun deprived skin and lowered spf awareness will surely result in a burn. Many people fall victim to this rookie tanning mistake, and I am here to help you. It's time to start wearing sunscreen every day so that when the blessed First Sunny Day happens you will be ready to skip work and drink for hours on a patio without suffering from an embarrassing lobsterfied next day burn. Plus, skin cancer is a major BUZZ KILL.

2) French Manicured Toes (boys skip straight to #3)

This is a common mistake that many women make. I'm not sure why but I think it became popular when acrylic nails had their 15 minutes of fame. PS if you're still wearing acrylic nails, stop reading, this isn't the blog for you. Because it's warmer out, ladies get to wear open-toed shoes and this is really exciting. What ISN'T exciting is looking like you just scored a walk-on role in an episode of Jersey Shore. Skip the french-pedi and just keep it solid, you'll thank me later!

3) Sex With Zeros

It's spring. Animals are mating, the smell of cherry blossoms is making everyone dizzy, people are wearing less clothes. Everyone's first instinct is to get naked with hotties but ladies and gentlemen, take heed. What starts as a healthy lust for picking up babes can quickly turn into a 4am nightmare involving settling to go home with a complete zero because you're fixated on spring fever. Take your time, get a vibrator/whatever the male equivalent is (???), illegally download Nicholas Sparks books turned terrible movies. Save sleeping around for Jesse James and this chick. Take a gamble with some cool spring fashion trends, NOT your genitals. And keep in mind, having standards never goes out of style.

4) Letting Allergies Get You Down

Spring allergies are the worst. Being snotty, tired, and itchy can really hamper all the awesome spring partying. I'm not a doctor or anything but I'm a big fan of medicating/self-medicating. So take a hint and don't be one of those tough guys who just says no to allergy meds. I've been known to have a slight dependency on Nasonex and let me just say that a nice nasal spray coupled with a 24 hour Claritin or four will leave you sneeze free for at least a week. As an added bonus, the combo mixes great with alcohol. So there's that. Enjoy!