The Worst Day of The Year

The countdown is here. only a couple days left. No matter how much you complain you cannot stop it. And no, I'm not talking about that thing that's happening that I'm tired of talking about, Valentine's Day is just over a week away!!!!!!!!!

Last Valentine's day I felt like I was starring in a Seth Green movie called 'Failing at Life.' I got dumped, drank no less than 1-3 bottles of champagne on a rugby field in what some called 'an embarrassing display', got asked out by a drug dealer while crying, and found out my ex went on our V-Day vacation I planned with his male roommate who then posted a Facebook album of it. Skip ahead 356 days and I've come a long way. I let the drug dealer down easy that same night and have dated some really lovely men such as The Argentinian Serial Killer, The Abortionist, and The Guy Who Wouldn't Let Me Order For Myself, ever. However, oddly enough the prospect of this horrible day still has me reaching for a sedative every time I think about it. So I have come up with a few tips to get you through the day.


The Green Eggs and Tam Valentine's Day Survival Guide for Singles/People Who Hate Their BF or GF

1. Make sure you have a plan. Even if the plan is 'lay face down on the couch watching Friday Night Lights reruns and play the Tim Riggins Drinking Game' (more on this later). Make a plan, and stick to it.

2. If you're in a relationship, be sensitive to your single friends, and don't brag about the flowers/proposal/condo your rich significant other gave you. Just remember you could be drunk on a rugby field next Valentine's Day and would you want romantic cliches involving Barolo at Il Giardino shoved down your throat? No.

3. Makeout with a celebrity. This one can be a bit tricky so you can always settle for a hot guy in a band or one of the guys from The Buried Life. Just tell them you need to help some inner city black kids before you die and then go in for the kiss.

I personally will be doing #1. It's easy. Every time Tim drinks, you drink. Every time Tim scores a TD, you drink. Every time Tim has sex, you drink. Every time Tim wears plaid, you drink. In a couple episodes you'll be ready to go online and stalk hotties, make fun of your ex's band/profession/new bf or gf/whatever, and send derogatory anti-love tweets. Enjoy!