How To Stay Relevant This Summer

Summer trends are always changing and it's hard to keep up. Here is a quick guide to keep you cooler than Pax Jolie-Pitt this summer.





1) Get a sweet protest related injury:

Most points are awarded if it's a G20 related injury but any sort of protest injury will do. Yesterday I almost got a concussion by accidentally smacking heads with a chick while trying to tweet this photo.
Today I'm sporting a super relevant G20 protest injury on my face. This is not as next level as my co-worker who missed work yesterday because she was in jail but at least I don't have any wrist burns from those poormans plastic handcuffs.

2) Hipster proof your home:

Only play chill wave bro! Beach House, Wavves, Toro Y Moi, Best Coast. Listen while lounging on the back deck wearing Sperry's and drinking pink lemonade (with lavender infused vodka obviously). Invite your friends to bike over on their fixed gears and whip up a pretentious Quinoa salad. Make sure one of your walls has a 'meant to look by accident' cluster of framed rustic/nautical artwork and twigs. Keep a couple vintage Hudson Bay Company blankets in the corner in case any pale hipsters drink too much PBR and passout.

3) Boycott something:
Musicians love to boycott. Kanye, Rage Against the Machine, Massive Attack and others are boycotting the state of Arizona because of their new wacky immigration laws that aren't fair to Mexicans. I support this because my chihuahua is an illegal Mexican immigrant and because North America would be a pretty terrible place to live if we didn't have enchiladas. Other hot boycotts include Elvis Costello boycotting Israel, Rihanna, Jay-Z and Beyonce boycotting the BET Awards because of Chris Brown, and anyone with a soul boycotting BP.

4) Be a sports fan:

Initially liking sports can be really daunting, especially if you don't wear oversized cargo shorts and don't understand the rules. But with the World Cup shoving hot half-naked soccer players down our throats, it's easy for everyone to jump on board. My favourite team? Argentina (because I love Argentinian wine, Buenos Aires, and chimichurri). The buzz is infectious and I'm not just referring to the soothing sounds of Vuvuzelas. So pick a team, do some Vuvuzela Beer Funnels and join in the fun.